TIRAMISU: A FRAME BY FRAME ABDUCTION
Straight away as ANDY arrives: you note the amount of commercial crap that has been put through our letterbox. I tell you that one of them had been put through the door in the dead of night. You pick it up. It’s a leaflet for the new Italian restaurant “Tiramisu”. There is a voucher for “First reservations are free.”
STEPHEN: What does that mean?
ANDY: They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, but here you have two vouchers for a free lunch. “just call to make a reservation”. What are we doing after we finish the podcast?
STEPHEN: We would usually be down the local.
ANDY: Let’s go to Tiramisu instead, we can go over creative projects, cry about why we haven’t made our feature film yet, weep about our sex lives…
STEPHEN: I have a wonderful sex life already Andy. I would say ask my wife but she’s always in the next room.
ANDY: Do you wanna make a reservation.
STEPHEN: Under the name of frame by frame. Yes!
(calls)
AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Welcome to the reservation line for TIRAMISU.
ANDY: Automated. Like people can’t take reservations for restaurants anymore…
AUTOMATED MESSAGE: If you want to make a reservation please press 1. If you want to know our opening times… please press 2. If you want to redeem…
(Andy presses 1)
AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Please state how many people the reservation will be for.
ANDY: 2.
AUTOMATED MESSAGE: Thank you for making your reservation – goodbye,
ANDY: Wait, I haven’t given a time, or a date… that’s not going to work!
STEPHEN: What happened?
ANDY: They didn’t give me a chance to tell them when we wanted to go. They just know it’s for two.
STEPHEN: That’s stupid. Oh well, let’s do a podcast and wait and see.
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AFTER THE FIRST FILM
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STEPHEN: How long have we recorded…
ANDY: 30 minutes. That’s all. Nothing much to say about Fire in the Sky.
STEPHEN: I have to confess, I haven’t watched the other two films yet.
ANDY: Me neither. Too busy wanking dogs.
STEPHEN: You misread the script. That’s walking.
ANDY: It’s not a misprint…
(awkward silence)
STEPHEN: Perhaps we should call it a day. Are you hungry?
ANDY: Nah I should get going. Might pop by tomorrow to talk about Communion.
STEPHEN: Yes. I will have watched it by then. here’s that leaflet for Tiramisu: I wonder why they didn’t take our full details for the restaurant reservation?
ANDY: Crappy automated system. Cheerio.
STEPHEN: Goodnight.
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PERSONAL DIARY OF ANDY
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ANDY: This is Andy Lewin, personal diary. I’m home and have eaten my way through the length of a Mexican burrito. I was surprised Stephen didn’t make his famous Spanish chicken, but I guess we were both excited about eating out. Don’t know why we didn’t have the energy to finish the podcast. I don’t mind going over tomorrow. It’s on the way to my (insert embarracing place you have to be) – wait a minute…
(Andy sees a bright light)
ANDY: Who’s shining that light into my bedroom window?
(insert special effects.) and on an alien whisper… “welcome to Tiramisu… don’t open your eyes… welcome to Tiramisu”
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MEANWHILE
PERSONAL DIARY OF STEPHEN
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STEPHEN: Audio note: tomorrow we need to buy some milk, bread, butter, and some more KY jelly lube. I can’t believe we’ve gone through so much. The automatic fisting machine would be hell without it. Anyway… save list.
STEPHEN: Stephen note to self, remember to take the bins out in the morning. The neighbours always seem to remember to do it the night before. We’re always the last ones to take it out…
STEPHEN: Stephen, note to self, remember to look up for the names of those erotic statues used in the background of the film Communion. This movie is really something… I can’t imagine the same thing ever happening,
(Stephen sees a bright light)
STEPHEN: What the hell is that… My eyes… That’s one heck of a bright light!
(insert special effects.) - and on an alien whisper… “welcome to Tiramisu… don’t open your eyes… welcome to Tiramisu”
